Dear Pretenders:

Do you remember this post?  I’m sure you do. You’ve discussed my issue
with who knows who, but, except with me. 
That hurts. 

I’m happy you’re happy your friend is expecting.
I’m happy you’re happy that your friend (or coworker) just
had a baby.

Oh, and you’re pregnant, too? And you have a sonogram you want to show me? Great!
Those may be happy moments for you, but, at the same time,
they’re hard on me.  Sharing those things
with me is beyond inconsiderate, especially when you don’t even ask me if it
bothers me nor ask me how I’m doing.  Guess
what? By you ignoring my issue doesn’t make it go away.
I know you remember me telling you I was expecting. I know
you do
.
I know you remember me telling you that my last sonogram
showed that there was no heartbeat.
And even if you don’t remember, I mean, I don’t expect you
to because that was just 14 months ago, and you “…have your own life and problems
to deal with.” But, I can’t ignore the fact that you’ve read about my
experiences right here, yet still pretend as if my problem doesn’t exist.  My posts either
go to your email, Facebook, Twitter or all three. Please don’t deny seeing them
because I know you have.  Although it has
been 14 months, it still hurts. Not every day, but the hurt is all the
same.  Stop pretending.
Just like your friend, cousin, sister, or coworker who gave birth to a healthy baby boy or girl
recently, that would have been me just 4 months ago.  By now, I should have been a mom of two – a three
year old, and a 4 month old. And the holiday cards you’d receive from us in the
mail this year would have been different, too. 
You do realize that, right? Stop pretending.
I guess pretending my losses, my hurt, and pretending everything
else doesn’t exist, works for you.  I
guess it makes you feel less uncomfortable to not bring it up, and ignore it.
But guess what, our struggle is real, and it doesn’t seem to be going away.  We can’t ignore it. Stop pretending.
I’d appreciate it if you please stop pretending, and at
least acknowledge what’s going on.  Your
support, your words of encouragement, just anything that showed me that you had
an ounce of care or empathy for what I’m currently dealing with.  Like I said, ignoring it doesn’t make it go
away, it just hurts me.  Stop pretending.

Show Your Support #RESOLVEGivingTuesday
Millions of women and men suffer with infertility in silence due to lack of support and the fear of being judged. This blog, along with RESOLVE were (and are) my ways of dealing with the cards with which I was dealt. Show your support by donating to RESOLVE today. #RESOLVEGivingTuesday http://goo.gl/IzgNmP

Sincerely,

The one who can’t pretend

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Kim S.
Owner
Kim is the do-it-all mom (and wife) who not only works full-time and is a freelance makeup artist, but also blogs about her love of family, travel, beauty and skincare. Now that she has a kindergartener, Kim has added Class Parent to her resume. These are all tough jobs, but somehow, she makes them look easy.