Three days away from when your two week wait (TWW) is over, and
you start to experience the signs reminiscent of pregnancy: dull pain in your
pelvis, sore boobs, headaches, and slight nausea.  And then think ‘I must be pregnant.  I
must be pregnant.’  Test day comes, aaaand you get a Big Fat Negative
(BFN).  How disappointing.  It’s messed up the games played on your body
by progesterone.
So yeah, my last cycle did not result in a pregnancy.  At my most recent doctor’s visit my RE stated
“Your body is being stubborn this time.  It does not want to get pregnant.”  I
really wish my eggs and my husband’s sperm communicated and said to each other “Yes,
we’re the right fit. Let us hook up.” Maybe I need to sit alone and have a
serious conversation with my body (and eggs) to let them know it’s time. What
gives? I mean it’s good my “bad” eggs aren’t being fertilized because that
could result in an abnormal pregnancy and/or embryo, which can open up a whole
other can of worms like another miscarriage or chromosomal abnormalities in the
The game plan this time
My RE put me on 100 mg of Clomid for five nights, instead of the 150
mg I was on the last time, and we’re doing another IUI.  My dosage was decreased because I have a cyst
left over from my last cycle, and she doesn’t want the Clomid to affect
it.  However, if this cycle does not
result in a pregnancy, my RE stated that this will be my last round of Clomid,
and then she will move me to injectable meds. FML!
This is not fun. I don’t wish it even on my worst enemy (not that
I have those).  It’s extremely
exhausting.  Imagine doing this for over
a year or years!
My advice for people going
through this…
When you’ve been trying to conceive for
over a year, those ups and downs can wreak havoc on you both mentally and
emotionally.  It’s important for anyone
going through something like this to have a great support system, whether it is
their significant other, mom, sister(s), friend(s), support group etc. – you
need an outlet. Also, if you know someone is having difficulty conceiving, it doesn’t hurt to be supportive and letting them know you’re there for them. Just because they don’t open up to you about their situation does not mean they don’t want to talk about it. Understand how difficult, scary and uncomfortable it is for them to start a conversation about struggling with not being able to conceive. 
Check out
Fertility for Colored Girls
Before I go…
I received the Shutterfly email that congratulated me on my new
bundle of joy that I don’t have.  A lot
of people received this email, and those who’ve experienced loss, are
struggling with infertility, like myself were baffled and hurt upon receiving
and opening the email sent by Shutterfly. 
It was irresponsible on their part. Yes, they sent out apology notices
(I didn’t receive one), but it still doesn’t take away the pain felt initially
from receiving their email.  Hopefully, in
the future Shutterfly and other companies are more responsible with their
mailing lists. I’m not even sure why Shutterfly emailed me since I haven’t used
their service in years!