I saw the above message on one of my former college
associates social network pages, which inspired and encouraged me to write what
I’m posting.  I thought long and hard
about opening up myself and writing this post. 
It took me a while to put the words together, and figure out exactly
what I wanted to say. 

Before anyone asks why I didn’t tell you or come to you etc,
this isn’t about you.  It’s about me and
who I felt …
 …I could open up
myself and be vulnerable with
 …would show genuine concern and show empathy
 …I am close with
 …could relate to what I’m currently going through
I would have been entering my second trimester on Thanksgiving day.  On that day, we planned to put mini me in a shirt that read “Big Sister” for our families to figure it out.  Unfortunately, that will not happen because I had a miscarriage (blighted ovum this time).  The only reason I’m even posting about it
here is because there are women who go through this and don’t talk about it at
all.  Like the statement says above, I
know my story can help or inspire others. 
There’s a myth that women of color don’t have fertility
issues.  The faces of young women of color
(not just African American’s) I see at my RE’s office say something completely
different. I can say from what I see during my weekly visits to the office is a split almost equally if you’re speaking in terms of race.  It’s pure
ignorance for someone to say “Black women don’t have problems having babies.”  It’s false! Actually between 15%- 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. And most women don’t even know they’ve had a miscarriage, and sometimes write it off as just a period. 
“Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one
year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older).  Women who can get pregnant but are unable to
stay pregnant may also be infertile.”

Infertility is different for everyone, and can be caused by
a multitude of things from screwed up hormones, blocked Fallopian tubes,
fibroids, tilted uterus, age, diet, weight, drug use, alcohol abuse etc.  And it isn’t just a woman’s issue; 1/3
of infertility issues are due to issues with the male. 
In my case, I have no trouble getting pregnant. I just have
recurrent miscarriages, which the doctors can’t explain.  My RE even said my uterine lining was
perfect; nice and thick. What makes it even more frustrating is that all of my
blood work as well as my husband’s have returned normal.  Since I’ve had a live birth, my RE is
confident that eventually, I’ll have a normal pregnancy, and we just have to
first get past 12 weeks and work from there.  One thing they plan on doing differently this
time around is to start me on a baby aspirin regimen.
My doctor said it is worst for a woman to know she can get
pregnant then have a loss, than a woman who can’t get pregnant because they’ll
just eventually write it off as just something they can’t do.  He also said it’s an emotional roller coaster,
which I can agree with completely. You’re emotions are on high the moment you
find out, and once you find out, you crash. 
Reflecting on my experience from before I had mini me, I can
relate.  It’s hard. It’s hard on a
marriage.  It’s hard on you
emotionally.  After, you’re never really
the same; you’re always worried about something.  
I had an appointment to make sure the pregnancy was out of
my system.  The sonogram showed there was
nothing left, which the doctor said is a “good thing” accompanied with my
dramatically lower HCG levels.  It’s a
good thing because my period will return quicker, and we can start again
quicker, as long as we’re emotionally ready. 
I return in a week to make sure my HCG levels are 5 or 0.  I hope they are.  It is just a matter of my husband and I
keeping our sanity, having faith, and just trying God knows how many times
until the right one sticks.  But,
unfortunately, this time we weren’t, as my RE said “One and done.”  Hopefully, the next time around isn’t a “Third
time’s a charm” situation because I really don’t think I’m prepared for that.  It’s back to weekly blood draws and who knows
what else. Fun, fun, fun!
I knew something was wrong because my first sonogram at 5 weeks
3 days, although still early, showed only a gestational sac.  I referenced back to the sonogram from when I
was pregnant with mini me at 5 weeks 3 days, and that one showed a completely
different picture; gestational sac, yolk sac, and fetal pole, plus, as days
passed my symptoms decreased.  I knew and
in a way, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

In a sense, I am fine. 
I really have no time to feel sorry for myself or to try and figure out
why it happened because I still have to be a mom to my lovely mini me.  That means doing everything I can to maintain
my sanity and have some normalcy.  It doesn’t help when people ask me if I’m pregnant
or straight up just tell me I am.  It’s
super annoying. 

There’s really nothing you can say. I will accept food and wine .:lol:.

Advice on what not to say to someone who has gone through a
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